Loneliness…
We’ve all been there. Sometimes it feels like we’ll never escape the sensation of never being known. How I long for someone in whom I can share my hopes, my dreams, and even my fears…the feeling is almost unbearable.
This is a feeling of never being truly known by someone else. I sit and dwell on this many nights. It usually leads to thoughts of am I not worthy of being known or thoughts of does anyone actually care?
A blog I read said that, “We feel alone in decisions. We feel alone in our fears. We feel alone in our dreams. The weird thing about singleness is that no one is supposed to know us in the deepest ways. I am in a season of life where God has declared that no mortal being will know me intimately. And that’s lonely.”
As I’ve sat and contemplated over this I’ve come to the realization that this is just a season in my life and seasons change. God knows the longings of my heart, He knows my dreams, He even knows my fears…how well do I know His?
God clearly says that He’s everything I need. All of my needs are met through Him. Why then do I seek value from others? There is a void in my life right now that I’m trying to fill with anything and everything but the only thing that matters.
I’ve always been a person that compares myself to others. I’ve always based my value on what others think of me or how they view me. I’m finally starting to realize how foolish this is.
I’ve always thought that things always work out for everyone but me. Why do others deserve happiness and seemed to be blessed with things from God and not me? I’m truly unique, as is everyone else, and no two people go through life exactly the same. I’m learning to depend on God right now as I go through this struggle.
This is a time in my life that I truly believe God is using to draw me closer to Him. I want to share my life with someone more than anything in this world. I honestly believe that if I had this significant other though that I wouldn’t seek God as much as I do now (which is sad because it feels like I’m just a casual acquaintance).
I’ve got to focus on knowing my God and investing in that relationship before I even begin to focus on anything else.
Loneliness isn’t necessarily bad sometimes it’s just the only way to teach someone something. I just wish I could learn the lesson!
